After much opining over this let's get this failed wonderment in print. Impossible to see any success for Cowboys in 08. After what these weak minded fools have pulled, even if they do make a run, do you really expect this coaching staff to have that collection of mental stooges ready to go on the road and actually win a playoff game? For funzies let's roll through the final 7 games. Call it the "Yuck Yuck March of Death".

at Washington - I will foolishly pick a W here because of desperation and health. Portis most likely a no go for Skins. (6-4)

v. 49ers - Embarrassing to see this once proud SF franchise become such a suck because they thought a woman could actually lead a football team. Just to prove he isn't a woman, the great Mike Singletary showed his team his dingus. (Cowboy W 7-4)

v. Seahawks - Win. After they whip Sea's ass you watch the false confidence ooze in. Lay back as the generic idiot Cowboy fan declares his team "back baby"! and watch this team get all full of itself. (8-4)

at Steelers - I wouldn't have predicted a W here whether they were 12-0 going in. Dallas just doesn't win in this place. Cowboys sycophant excuse makers say it's all right cause Pitt is goot at home. (8-5)

v. Giants - NYG will be in chill mode and a desperate Cowboy team shows up and plays best game of season. Upset. (9-5)

v. Ravens - More false confidence from a bunch of spoiled punk ass pigs that sully the real and true good players on this team serve to begin demise as Dallas shows up flat and the behemoth and murderous Ray Lewis crushes their butts. Loss and 9-6. Last game at TX Stadium the worst.

at Phila - Now downtrodden from arse kicking from the week before and playing that cold wether in front of the Philly Cro-Magnons spells disaster as the Eagles play their best game of year without pressure and beat Dallas ending it's season. 9-7 and siting at home.



JERRY SO PISSED HE LEAVES HOUSE WITHOUT HIS MAKE UP

Then the wringing of hands begins for us all to read that most wonderful and anticipated of statements: "The Dallas Cowboys have scheduled a 4:30 press conference to address their head coaching situation."

A LITTLE MAN SHALL LEAD THEM

WEST

1. NEW ORLEANS - If they could get a player as valuable as David West they would be the favorite for league champs. West is a very solid player but I have trust issues with him. I also don't trust Peja or MoPete. CP3 and Posey are big game bad asses.

2. LOS ANGELES - Better figure out their chemistry issues with Odom and Bynum. Face it Laker fan, Odom is a punk. You know it.

3. UTAH - This team still relies on Okur to play a major role. Why? Watch for TPI rising star Ronnie Brewer. If Brewer can slide ahead of Okur in order of importance, maybe my man Deron Williams will taste success that he deserves.

4. HOUSTON - I love Ron-Ron and I love Battier. I hate, I mean hate T-Mac (or is it No Sac?)... What sucks is that at some point Artest is gonna grow weary of McGrady and he may act up. Media will rip Artest but we'll all know who the real culprit will be.

5. SAN ANTONIO - Spurs will stub their toe early and midway through the season which will cost them in the standings.

6. DALLAS - No D. All they talk about is offense. Too much reliance on Stackhouse (he has grown verry old very fast)... No D. Did I already mention that?

7. PHOENIX - Their vets will do everything they can to acclimate to new coach Porter. Nash knows he must adjust to win. Barbosa will become household name this year.

8. PORTLAND - Forget Oden. I'm already calling him a washout. He's Ryan Leaf. I really like Bayless and 19 year old Frenchman Batum. Aldridge becomes household name too.



ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE: LIKE A REPEAT

EAST

1. BOSTON - Huge year for the likes of Perkins, Powe and Big Baby Davis. Will they live up to their end of bargain and help Big 3 enough? Rondo an all star this season?

2. CLEVELAND - Will continue to make every effort to bring in another star and kiss LeBron's ass in futile attempt to keep him.

3. PHILA - Miller and Brand best pick n roll duo in conference?

4. TORONTO - Deal of the season is O'Neal in there to spell my man Bosh.

5. ORLANDO - Still not enough help for one of my man crushes DHoward.

6. DETROIT - Dumars' huge decision: to deal or not to deal expiring contract that is Sheed. Big fan of Rodney Stuckey.

7. ATLANTA - Big fan of Al Horford. Will they build off the playoff maturity they showed last season? I hate Mike "Mini Me" Bibby. I just want to kick his ass.

8. MIAMI - Beasley rookie of year. Will Riley leave new coach Spoelstra alone? 

BOSTON OVER NEW ORLEANS IN FINALS.
 

PLEASE JESUS. BRING THESE COACHING SHORTS TO DALLAS.

Everytime somebody sends me an email about Bill Cowher or comes up and discusses the ginormous chub they have at the thought at The Chin being Cowboys head coach, I feel sorry for them. I too, would likely run naked in front of the Alamo in a scenario that has say.. Cowher as HC and Will "I could whip Chuck Norris' ass"  Muschamp as defensive coordinator. The deal is though, that Cowher won't likely be the head coach of the Cowboys. Call it a smokin through a pipe dream.



CAN THIS MAN TEACH MIKE JENKINS TO COVER PEOPLE?

First off, no way in Hades he becomes coach in Dallas before this season is over. (Insert your joke here about the Cowboys season probably already being over)... Why would a dude who has supreme leverage walk into a situation where he knows nobody and the nobody's he doesn't know are a cancerous mix of flat in front cream puffs? If Jerry calls Cowher, it would be in the off season. He would want to come in around February some-such and put his own staple inside Valley Ranch. That requires time.



THE LIKELY SCENARIO FOR 2009

There's also the Jason Garrett dynamic. Does Cowher even know Garrett? Would he accept a gig knowing his offensive coordinator is already in place? It's clear that Opie wants to be a head coach. If Cowher comes to Dallas, Opie is out the door. Is Jerry willing to cast him off after resigning him to a contract at the highest paid assistant salary in the NFL? Extreme doubt here.